INTOLERANT INDIAN!

I am such f***king intolerant Indian (Read as Liberal Hindu-Muslim) that :
1) I watch SRK movies just to laugh at the Muslim guy playing a Hindu character who steals the Girl away from another Muslim/Sikh/Christian guy (see that's how u watch a movie as per the shastras)
2) whenever a rickshaw wala refuses me a ride, I burn his rickshaw down

3) I celebrate religious festivals like Eid and Christmas, so that I can make them look bad and eat up all the food on the table.
4) I use Sahitya Academy awards as book cases for my Vedas,Purans,Manusmrutis,Kurans,Mithun Chakravarthy, MSG movies and Radhe Radhe dance loop DvD's.
5) I buy music of Ghulam Ali,Begum Akhtar,Nusrat Fateh Ali Khan,etc just to deprive some Pakistani off it
6) I Ridicule the media for being balanced; I mean they show Fortune tellers and God's miracles in the morning and talk about superstition in the evening debates.Bastards!
7) I shoot rationalists and anti religion commentators on a monthly basis as that's a part of my teachings from home,school,books and the secret pro Brahmin Neo nazi Demi Rasputin organization I belong to....Hail Bhadrakali!
8) Vande Matram is a cryptic mass hypnosis mantra which will convert minorities to Hinduism the minute they say it.
9) Every time I embrace a Muslim friend, I am actually practicing Shivaji Maharaj's tiger claw technique
10) Every-time I speak out how wrongly my religion has been portrayed,drawn or interpreted, a movie,book,actress or artist becomes world famous and global!
11) All my Cargos,capris and brown color pants are camouflage over my RSS khaki shorts.
12) I get people of low status locked up in my basement as my forefathers have been claimed to do (sources unknown)
13) Dandiya & Dhol in Navratri & Ganpati is Morse code and that's how the saffron terrorism communicates plus Diwali crackers is the master plan of global destruction....wuuuhhaaaahahahaha!!
14) I only take Right turns never a Left turn and I only go 'straight'!
15) i eat secularism for breakfast,liberalism for lunch and athesim for dinner! burp! Today is 'Upwaas' so you are lucky, you can read this today.... bench-chor!
16) finally I support PM Modi and I think he is the best thing to happen to modern Indian politics and INDIA! There will be screws in the party but there is hope too.....lets give it a chance! There I have said it!! I am now indeed an Intolerant Indian or you have not believed me for last 15 points!!................(to be taken with anti satire salts)................‪#‎आहेतेआहे‬ ‪#‎aaheteaahe‬ (Copyright-Rohan Mankani)

Everyone has an opinion

Everyone has an opinion….In fact we have too many opinions….everyone has a right, everyone has an opinion and everyone wants to be heard…and if you do not hear the opinion I have, then you are my enemy or if I do not agree or believe in yours then, I will make sure your opinion is ridiculed or destroyed….my opinion cannot be your opinion even if there is a greater good at large , I rather stick to my opinion then live peacefully with yours or I will make sure that you do not live peacefully even when your opinion was approved….If my opinion is less heard, I will make sure that I round up a thousand of those who share my opinion and drown the voice of yours or I will go on air, social media, television and wherever possible to make sure that everyone hears me more and your opinion is ignored…my opinion is Communist…your opinion is Capitalist ….his opinion is Right winged….her opinion is sexist…Their opinion is Unnatural…the Khaps the only one with the opinion …our opinion is still in discussion at the Parliament…we will never let their opinion be passed in this session….it’s smart to invest an opinion in the right party at the right time…my leader will decide Our opinion…this opinion has been given by the prophet in the book of opinions……I am reporting this opinion live from the person dying of thirst….her opinion was stripped and raped….their opinion was she is a whore and a plaything…collectively the opinion is that the Government should do something about it…our opinion can be manipulated or bought by the highest bidder…the words in Our reporting are your well Paid opinions…this is not a bribe this is a way for me to see your opinion…my opinion is we should do a dharna for our opinions…..a new demand is that the Upanishads be renamed to Opinionishads….they also demand that their state be divided so that people with likeminded opinions can have a state of their own…Gajendra has no opinion on World Cinema but under qualified students have an opinion on his Career Graph...

Maharashtrians have no opinion in Belgaon…

Hindus have no opinion in Kashmir….

Muslims have no opinion in Jammu…

Parsi’s have no opinion and option in marriage…

Sikhs are joked as an opinion...

Seven Sisters have no opinion on the mainland….Bangladeshis have no opinion in Bangladesh…USA wants a profitable and strong opinion in Pakistan-India-Israel-Rest of the world with oil wells…Palestinians and Jews want to bomb each other’s opinions…Europe is all about the Unions opinion and Greece is all about public opinion….Australia cares for Everyone’s opinion or else why would they say ‘whats up , mate ?’ everytime!….A chaos of opinions in play yet we all are talking ,expressing and reaching nowhere……reason is….. Everyone has an opinion….infact we have too many opinions…..but then again this is just my opinion.

तुमच्या भागातला किंवा ओळखीचा माज करणारा,atittude दाखवणारा,शायनिंग करणारा,मंडळासाठी वर्गणी मागणारा,उठ सुठ flex लावणारा आणि तुम्हाला एरवी कधी न ओळख दाखवणारा "सामाजिक कार्यकर्ता" किंवा "नेता नसून कार्यकर्ता" जेंव्हा तुम्हाला रोज मेसेज किंवा whatsapp forward नित्यनियमाने करायला लागतो तेव्हा समजून घ्या कि 'तो' येत्या 'निवडणुकीला' उभा राहणार आहे!! 

ROHAN'S NEW YEAR'S WINE LIST!!

TO VOTE OR NOT TO VOTE!!

Well aren’t we all set for the great battle of 2014! Everywhereyou go, the debates and discussions are same, INDIA 2014! Who will rule? Whowill win? Who will be the next big thing? Will the degrading and corrupt democracyfinally take a turn for good or will we be on a darker path? I can feel theexcitement buzzing already…….don’t you? But there will be always a few who arestill a wee bit away from it all ....with questions and doubts, with perceptionsand blind hatred, with decided agendas and clueless minds, but they too arevoters who need to come out and vote, so here is a little straight upfront attemptto help iron out a few complaints and doubts,

1.      I won’t vote it’s not worth it:  It is worth it!! Ifyou do not vote, someone is going to cast a bogus vote in your name and earn500/- to -3000/- from it, plus a seedy labeled ‘quarter’ and a Biryani packet!!I mean charity is good but should never be foolish!! So know and keep your votesworth and vote! Please note: you can avail the Biryani packet even if you castyour vote to somebody else, they don’t check much there! ;)

2.      I want to vote but my name is not on the voter list: Aaawwww! That’s so sad! Well youknow what…….move your ass and fill up the voter registration form on http://eci-citizenservices.nic.in/frmForm6New.aspxor  visit eci.nic.in for more details……evenif that does not work get it touch with socio-political NGO’s http://www.parivartanbharat.org/,etc

3.      The online registration doesn’t seem to be updated or working: then you can even getin touch with the shakhas/political offices/karyalays of any of the politicalparties in your areas. You will be surprised at the information about the system;you will receive from the volunteers/Karyakartas (whom many think to be uneducated or inferior) over there. They will be glad to help you out from paper work togetting your voter id.


4.      All politicians are crooks & no one is clean: kya baat hay!solid yaar!  oh but you have to understand that even by saying this won’t make a difference unless you show some active citizenship…..ifPoliticians are crooks then who has stopped you from being the Police orMonitors?? Politicians are a very part of the system in which citizens live,they are not Aliens or Mutants, and they are people who rose from the society,with the support of the people in the society to lead the society. They are areflection of the society and a live example of democracy….an active citizen isa part of the same democracy too, so where did u fall short? Not clean enough?

5.      The Candidate given by the Party of my choice is a Criminal: well then don’t give himyour vote! ….look for another contestant who has a clean record and give yourvote to him…..he might not be as popular as a Party candidate or might not evenwin but an addition in his votes will encourage him to carry on his good workand the decrease in the vote percentage will make your party superiors rethink aboutthe candidate the next time….even if the criminal candidate wins he will haveto be on his toes to increase his vote base….that’s the power of a vote!

6.      I don’t believe my one vote will make a difference: if you think selfishly, yes you are right, you are but an insignificantspeck! But Remember, a 10 of you can turn the tables at the society elections, a100 of you can decide a new board in a mohalla committee, a 1000 people likeyou can change the fate of a Corporator/Nagar Sevak, a 10,000 of a MLA/Amdar, a100000 of a MP/Khasdar and a billion of the Nation!! Its only works, if youwork and work together! that’s the power of a vote!

7.      What if I want to exercise my right but want to use the ‘none of the above’ option:  No!! there is no ’none of the above’ buttonat the bottom of the EVM .The ‘right to reject’ voting option has yet to be passedby our system so don’t live in a false world…but do vote. (Note from @tanmay kanitkar) we still have an option of not voting any of the candidate! Under rule 49-O (its O not zero) you can go to the election booth, get your finger marked and then declare that you don't want to vote. The officer, in his register, mentions that you rejected to vote and takes your signature against that remark.
Now the only draw back of this system is that, your vote of 'don't want to vote' does not remain secret. But still better than avoiding the voting completely!( in my case I wouldhave closed my eyes and just blind pressed!! )

8.      It’s too tiring to wait in the long voting queues: liar! We have one of the bestworking election teams in South Asia…you can check your booth in yournewspaper, election commissions website or even on the slips distributed byvarious political parties….vote day is a holiday for all major sectors and evenprivate sectors have to give you time to go and cast your vote….so work, studiesand being busy is not an excuse….senior citizens in their 90’s and even thehandicap cast their vote, what’s your excuse??

After hearing so much from me, I know I am not going to get manyvotes for being a nice person but anyways I rather be a good citizen with a rudeattitude than a nice person with no sense of responsibility for the country!!

Rohan Goes to Thailand! (part 1)

This one, was on its way but it took time, basically cause i got lazy and secondly i got too busy! :)  that's what happens to you when you visit 'Thailand', the best in luxury,pampering and wild fun a man can get! yeah....i said it right, Thailand is a strictly Men Only Zone....so my dear honeymooners, who plan to go Thai.....trust me only the guy is getting a good deal here and you, lady are getting hands on shopping experience which can be experienced anywhere(Pusss)!! OK, i will go easy on the ladies for the sake of Thailand tourism......

See in Thailand, there are a a lot places which are worth going especially on your first trip out of India. oh yeah!! it was my first trip out of the Bharatbhoomi and directly to Suvarnabhumi(Suvarnabhumi airport,Bangkok,Thailand)) and the excitement seemed to start from the bottom of my spine going up while doing a samba and dropping ice along! Though what was to be a Wolf Pack out for fun trip turned out to be a 2 guys exploring a new world but nevertheless it was worth it! As we landed on the Airport,the Thailand tourism's welcome board read 'Cum to see, Thailand's offspring!'....that's exactly how it was written and how i read it......much confusing ,with lot double meaning but much promise..;) :)

Magnificently built Airport, with those moving escalators where in you just stand and move ahead or turn ya back and pretend to be better moon-walkers than Michael Jackson! lot of people would think i am crazy to be in love with them but yo people did you not read.....this was my first trip out!! I was as happy as the President of the Indian Olympics Association, when he heard the amounts sanctioned by the Gov for the  CWG and CYG games.....anyways so here i was,enjoying the moving slides, when an ugly looking lady with a equally frightening smile greeted us and told us to get our visas at the check-in counter....In India, the exchange rate for a baht was 1.70 rps but well, when you are in Thailand do it like the exchange board shows you....so we shelled round about 3 rps for a baht.....(Mental note: listen to your girlfriend who told you to swallow your Indian pride and carry dollars instead of Indian rupees).....anyways we were here and we were admitted in, as the gates opened to..... Bangkok!!

The ugly looking lady crept from behind and started to speak to us in a language which can only be defined as English, as there were a few words like... 'welcome,am Aghaatha ,your, so,money' and for some reason "many many" before the money part.....from the wisdom of my friend, Harshal Gandhi,( who i can say can understand Namibian or old world Pashtuni too if it gets the work done) informed me that the lady was our tour guide and co coordinator (yup and i thot it wud be a lady with long hair,fair skin and looks as oriental as hakka noodles)........but on further discussion it was revealed that she was there to merely pick us up and take us to our designated hotels...hurrah for that and gulp for the scare!

Since airport ,we were accompanied by Haryanvi and Punjabi da mundas de Jaats of the de Chandigadhs!! i mean these guys were phenomenal, they were coming for the 4th time,they were married but yet filthy rich(a rare feat),they all had girlfriends there(told ya ..Mans zone) and they knew the roads better than our driver.....and so happy to be back that they were happily chatting with the driver in Punjabi and all he was saying was wat? wat u say wat u say!......

We checked in into the hotel Ibis,Pattaya, a fantastic studio apartment ,just 5 mins away from the best sights and sounds of the city of Pattaya!

The first day, evening we went out for the famous Alcazar show.A larger than life music,dance and special effects extravaganza performed by eunuchs and lady boys! The way the sequences and set was choreographed was wonderful and every performance got a loud clap from the audience. I had to be alone at the show as certain Gujju friend who was to accompany me everywhere was still in the shock that it takes 3 rps for a baht and that veg food was a rarity in Pattaya but no regrets.Its amazing how the transsexuals in Thailand are not seen as a taboo but respected and promoted as Artists. A lot to learn from here.....i mean why support gays when we can help those who are really a proud and hardworking clan...anyways that's for another day......the evening ended with a small beer n street dance party at a bar called 'Yuth bar and family restaurant', where our hosts Kim,Yok,Kung and the bar tenders provided us with some nice information about in and around Pattaya

 

 Next we went out to the Coral island for some scuba diving and getting some tan on.....everywhere u go people will greet you with a warm 'Sawadee Khap/Krap,make you feel at home and let know the price for sitting in their chairs on the beach.....i mean come on 30 bahts for an hour in a sun chair?? but the scuba diving and aquatic sightseeing went wonderful............ Now comes the main part of the Pattaya, which is a strictly, definitely and certainly, a totally Man's Zone,THE WALKING STREET!!

I mean, come on.... this place has got everything that a man dreams, thinks or  had once achieved before civil progression began.....you have Go Go bars, you have ladies calling at you,you have women in extremely provocative clothes offering beer for only 50 bahts(100 rps),you have food stalls where u can pick your meat,fish and rarely vegetables,you have the best delicacies from ocean for cheaper than Cad-bury silk in India! Massage parlors , Spas,Harem houses to up-class Moulin Rouge kinda bars,Roadside bartenders making some neat cocktails, imported alcohol cheaper even when compared to even Goa,People from all over the India, right from 'Apli poora' to 'da jaat da Punajabis da boayz' to 'Jignesbhai,Sureasbhai n Kamlesbhai' to ShujithaVishvanathnaGaneshaAslamStalinGopallaBaluraoRoberthan and the world too....Brits, Aussies,Yanks,Dutch,African,Syria,Israel,Emirates......dunno about Pakis did not care to seek them! ;P

Apart from drinking at various bars,we landed up at a decent massage salon,managed by 50 year old Aunty with warmest smile,she took an immediate liking for my friend Harshal and offered us a discount on the Feet massage.....Note: no Indian gives away a discount!! Not only did we have the most relaxing feet n leg massage but with the discount structure rising we decided to go for a 3 day complete body medical massage treatment......and it was worth it....they can make Fibromyalgia knots or Protein knots melt away by their oils and balms.......and some really sweet and friendly women.....but alas all good things come to an end and on the 4th day we really had good byes with a heavy heart and promise to come again.
  
Walking street is famous for its SEX tourism and at every nook or turn a guy or gal or a lady boy will greet you by banging his hands together and saying 'boom boom', a loud and vulgar expression for sex......after a while it gets irritating and its nauseating to see the way we humans sell each other for money and good time....anyways that's there and done with.... 

 
 



Thailand has another great resource after the imperial government,its called the 7-11's,they  are practically all over Thailand......in every lane,on every street and even in malls or bullet trains!! you get everything over here.....you name it and its there.....in fact you can make your own food in the store too. its cheap, its nice and you can have a lot of really small price.....its a heaven for those who have no idea what they are ordering on the streets. God bless 7-11 and their cook your own food stalls!!

foodie in Thailand

Chicken mushroom rice with egg!

Thai Food-yeah apart from booze,sex and entertainment, is the most delicious thing Thailand offspring's...... i mean offers!!whoops!! The chances of survival of a vegetarian  in Thailand is that of a Christian missionary in Kandahar or of a Gambler in Las Vegas.So be sure to learn to be non vegetarian before you come here.....of course there is eggs and fruits which are lifesavers at times! 

Hodjo's Cart Food

yeah!!! Ducks!

Phad Thai

pork soup!

 Phad Thai,Squid on roast,Duck soup,chicken on Stick and a whole array of Cantonese cuisine.i was in Heaven!!


COMING SOON PART II!! 

A better man

In life, i fought for wrong people,i befriended selfish individuals,i followed false gods,i fell in love with false dreams, was put down by my own ego and broken by my own anger, questioned by cowards and answered by the foolish,respected by the enemy, protected by values.....principles stood strong,faith kept me going going,love found me at last,i stood up once again, armed with hope and forgiveness........i became a better man.....