Rohan Goes to Thailand! (part 1)

This one, was on its way but it took time, basically cause i got lazy and secondly i got too busy! :)  that's what happens to you when you visit 'Thailand', the best in luxury,pampering and wild fun a man can get! yeah....i said it right, Thailand is a strictly Men Only Zone....so my dear honeymooners, who plan to go Thai.....trust me only the guy is getting a good deal here and you, lady are getting hands on shopping experience which can be experienced anywhere(Pusss)!! OK, i will go easy on the ladies for the sake of Thailand tourism......

See in Thailand, there are a a lot places which are worth going especially on your first trip out of India. oh yeah!! it was my first trip out of the Bharatbhoomi and directly to Suvarnabhumi(Suvarnabhumi airport,Bangkok,Thailand)) and the excitement seemed to start from the bottom of my spine going up while doing a samba and dropping ice along! Though what was to be a Wolf Pack out for fun trip turned out to be a 2 guys exploring a new world but nevertheless it was worth it! As we landed on the Airport,the Thailand tourism's welcome board read 'Cum to see, Thailand's offspring!'....that's exactly how it was written and how i read it......much confusing ,with lot double meaning but much promise..;) :)

Magnificently built Airport, with those moving escalators where in you just stand and move ahead or turn ya back and pretend to be better moon-walkers than Michael Jackson! lot of people would think i am crazy to be in love with them but yo people did you not read.....this was my first trip out!! I was as happy as the President of the Indian Olympics Association, when he heard the amounts sanctioned by the Gov for the  CWG and CYG games.....anyways so here i was,enjoying the moving slides, when an ugly looking lady with a equally frightening smile greeted us and told us to get our visas at the check-in counter....In India, the exchange rate for a baht was 1.70 rps but well, when you are in Thailand do it like the exchange board shows you....so we shelled round about 3 rps for a baht.....(Mental note: listen to your girlfriend who told you to swallow your Indian pride and carry dollars instead of Indian rupees).....anyways we were here and we were admitted in, as the gates opened to..... Bangkok!!

The ugly looking lady crept from behind and started to speak to us in a language which can only be defined as English, as there were a few words like... 'welcome,am Aghaatha ,your, so,money' and for some reason "many many" before the money part.....from the wisdom of my friend, Harshal Gandhi,( who i can say can understand Namibian or old world Pashtuni too if it gets the work done) informed me that the lady was our tour guide and co coordinator (yup and i thot it wud be a lady with long hair,fair skin and looks as oriental as hakka noodles)........but on further discussion it was revealed that she was there to merely pick us up and take us to our designated hotels...hurrah for that and gulp for the scare!

Since airport ,we were accompanied by Haryanvi and Punjabi da mundas de Jaats of the de Chandigadhs!! i mean these guys were phenomenal, they were coming for the 4th time,they were married but yet filthy rich(a rare feat),they all had girlfriends there(told ya ..Mans zone) and they knew the roads better than our driver.....and so happy to be back that they were happily chatting with the driver in Punjabi and all he was saying was wat? wat u say wat u say!......

We checked in into the hotel Ibis,Pattaya, a fantastic studio apartment ,just 5 mins away from the best sights and sounds of the city of Pattaya!

The first day, evening we went out for the famous Alcazar show.A larger than life music,dance and special effects extravaganza performed by eunuchs and lady boys! The way the sequences and set was choreographed was wonderful and every performance got a loud clap from the audience. I had to be alone at the show as certain Gujju friend who was to accompany me everywhere was still in the shock that it takes 3 rps for a baht and that veg food was a rarity in Pattaya but no regrets.Its amazing how the transsexuals in Thailand are not seen as a taboo but respected and promoted as Artists. A lot to learn from here.....i mean why support gays when we can help those who are really a proud and hardworking clan...anyways that's for another day......the evening ended with a small beer n street dance party at a bar called 'Yuth bar and family restaurant', where our hosts Kim,Yok,Kung and the bar tenders provided us with some nice information about in and around Pattaya

 

 Next we went out to the Coral island for some scuba diving and getting some tan on.....everywhere u go people will greet you with a warm 'Sawadee Khap/Krap,make you feel at home and let know the price for sitting in their chairs on the beach.....i mean come on 30 bahts for an hour in a sun chair?? but the scuba diving and aquatic sightseeing went wonderful............ Now comes the main part of the Pattaya, which is a strictly, definitely and certainly, a totally Man's Zone,THE WALKING STREET!!

I mean, come on.... this place has got everything that a man dreams, thinks or  had once achieved before civil progression began.....you have Go Go bars, you have ladies calling at you,you have women in extremely provocative clothes offering beer for only 50 bahts(100 rps),you have food stalls where u can pick your meat,fish and rarely vegetables,you have the best delicacies from ocean for cheaper than Cad-bury silk in India! Massage parlors , Spas,Harem houses to up-class Moulin Rouge kinda bars,Roadside bartenders making some neat cocktails, imported alcohol cheaper even when compared to even Goa,People from all over the India, right from 'Apli poora' to 'da jaat da Punajabis da boayz' to 'Jignesbhai,Sureasbhai n Kamlesbhai' to ShujithaVishvanathnaGaneshaAslamStalinGopallaBaluraoRoberthan and the world too....Brits, Aussies,Yanks,Dutch,African,Syria,Israel,Emirates......dunno about Pakis did not care to seek them! ;P

Apart from drinking at various bars,we landed up at a decent massage salon,managed by 50 year old Aunty with warmest smile,she took an immediate liking for my friend Harshal and offered us a discount on the Feet massage.....Note: no Indian gives away a discount!! Not only did we have the most relaxing feet n leg massage but with the discount structure rising we decided to go for a 3 day complete body medical massage treatment......and it was worth it....they can make Fibromyalgia knots or Protein knots melt away by their oils and balms.......and some really sweet and friendly women.....but alas all good things come to an end and on the 4th day we really had good byes with a heavy heart and promise to come again.
  
Walking street is famous for its SEX tourism and at every nook or turn a guy or gal or a lady boy will greet you by banging his hands together and saying 'boom boom', a loud and vulgar expression for sex......after a while it gets irritating and its nauseating to see the way we humans sell each other for money and good time....anyways that's there and done with.... 

 
 



Thailand has another great resource after the imperial government,its called the 7-11's,they  are practically all over Thailand......in every lane,on every street and even in malls or bullet trains!! you get everything over here.....you name it and its there.....in fact you can make your own food in the store too. its cheap, its nice and you can have a lot of really small price.....its a heaven for those who have no idea what they are ordering on the streets. God bless 7-11 and their cook your own food stalls!!

foodie in Thailand

Chicken mushroom rice with egg!

Thai Food-yeah apart from booze,sex and entertainment, is the most delicious thing Thailand offspring's...... i mean offers!!whoops!! The chances of survival of a vegetarian  in Thailand is that of a Christian missionary in Kandahar or of a Gambler in Las Vegas.So be sure to learn to be non vegetarian before you come here.....of course there is eggs and fruits which are lifesavers at times! 

Hodjo's Cart Food

yeah!!! Ducks!

Phad Thai

pork soup!

 Phad Thai,Squid on roast,Duck soup,chicken on Stick and a whole array of Cantonese cuisine.i was in Heaven!!


COMING SOON PART II!! 

A better man

In life, i fought for wrong people,i befriended selfish individuals,i followed false gods,i fell in love with false dreams, was put down by my own ego and broken by my own anger, questioned by cowards and answered by the foolish,respected by the enemy, protected by values.....principles stood strong,faith kept me going going,love found me at last,i stood up once again, armed with hope and forgiveness........i became a better man.....

To dear Sania,

Personally I don’t care if you are getting married or playing the Zambian open tennis tournament cause i am not a big tennis fan. I have my issues with Pakistan but that’s ok we all silly Indians not as famous as SRK have it. Anyways the reason I am writing this letter is cause my friends just couldn’t take my silence over the issue and wanted another opinion (as if the news channels weren’t giving out any), answer, statement or even a caption over the whole bloody blown issue. Well so here I am going to blow it more by writing my letter to you.

Wow! You are getting married! Congrats! Firstly even though we are from the same country and I am supposed to be from bride’s side and all but don’t expect any brotherly concern. The reason being some weird Google searches done in college a long time ago….anyways! That’s there and done with!

As the D day approached you might feel the heat of things…not from saffron parties or self declared patriots but the summer heat, silly! Yes so drink lot of water… I know you don’t do ads for mineral water guys but that doesn’t mean you don’t have to drink it at all!

A Pakistani husband eh! Good I mean it’s hard to find good guys in India with Pakistan busy recruiting the fresh Indian Muslim youth for some social and religious causes. These youths are too busy to be concerned with petty things as marriage…..I mean have you seen the work Pak gives them? It’s suicidal! Seriously and very poor packages, odd job hours, odd jobs too; no permanent cabins or even an identification card! So Shohaib is any day a good choice! My regards!

At the wedding day, be sure to wear proper traditional gear..…I know the new adidas slip-ons are comfy but we still have to stick to sandals or chappals on any traditional wear! So stop bickering! Cows and women don’t bicker in your in laws country or any country beyond it!

Be sure to call all the guests, and take care of security…..if Mr.dawood comes from Dubai, the families of 93/99/2000/01/etc/etc blast victims might just turn up and protest. They are still a bit emotional and hateful regarding the work of god that dawood does and Pak sponsors! Call even the Hindu right wing leaders or else they might call it an insult to India and protest in front of your house with black flags. Call up the Red brigade, I don’t know why but its better to have them at our side..…its something to do with Singur or Sindur, I cant remember, Call up the republicans or else they will fight for their right to a reservation at your wedding. Last time Bigg Boss didn’t allow them in his house and his house had few windows missing the next day.

Call Mulayam Singh yadav and all the anti-women’s reservation team, they still think women in Parliament and tennis courts are a myth! They have lot of men with guns so be polite…..

Call up Rahul Gandhi, if he refuses tell him you will serve the food in your dalit servants outhouse, he will love that! Please don’t mind the press he brings along they might take your pics too…see that’s good planning! Rest you decide and call…..do you have any friends in the tennis world? Check, see and call

Finally be good in Pakistan, I bet the day you reach, you will value being an Indian more. Now you are a big girl, so no more little skirts and the sleeveless tees for you. You have to take care of the repute of both the countries…I mean families…that too sitting in Dubai. Concentrate on you marriage & married life, be sure to service his balls…… I mean tennis balls and cricket balls look good when they are clean and shiny! ok this is sounding weird…….

Will you play for India or Pakistan? Why are they troubling you so much with this question? India & Pakistan are at the same position in global tennis to make any big difference! Hell with critics….I am more concerned how will you ever play in the big black all covering dress? Sigh! Goodbye Sania!

Jai Hind! Jai Pakistan! Jai Dubai!

Confused Indians and some people….

A year ago, when Mr. Danny Boyle came up with Slumdog Millionaire. I saw an extreme souped up tempo around, fervor of sorts with everyone lip-syncing each other calling out ‘JAI HO!’

WTF…. I said and looked as if we were going under a revolution and it was…the British were claiming what they left behind, broken & confused, the modern day, India. The Indian still reeling under poverty, communal disharmony, lack of citizen’s will, etc was being reeled by Sir Daniel Boyle, thanks to whom Immigrant Indians & other citizens of the world would have never known the real face of urban India.

Not only did the British reclaimed their lost colony but by selling its poverty they gave it Oscar too. Jai Ho Jolly’ old chaps! (No offence to the truly respectable A.R.Rehman ) And were we Indians happy for it! By god we were wearing Jai ho t-Shirts, we were waiting in lines to see our true face, we were playing games on mobiles, we making Slumdog groups in our colleges, paper ads and what not.

We cheered for the kids who acted so naturally…oh wait they were naturals…Pingbash!

Why is that we are so attracted to the white skin effect that we are able to digest their every antic so readily?

‘slavery hasn’t stopped in the world, its just that we are now paying them to work for us’ who said is an entirely different matter as it gets communal colors but he said when he was asked about his country recruiting people from Asian & African countries, why cant we get a hint?

Ok each one himself but what really grinds my gears is that how can we be so mean to our own cinema which also shows the same ground facts, realities and truths of the society or is it just because it has no outsider value ? no danny boyle? No fancy camera work?

I really felt bad when the national awards winner child artist Sharad Goenkar was so conveniently ignored by the Hindi and English channels. If only had Sharad won an oscar, their cameras would have followed him even to his toilet and said ‘dekhia kaise karte hai sharad potti’ ‘tingya fame ne kar diya saafaya’ and what not shit! (Intended!)

Politics is not far away too….right from CM’s to even the not so honorary President, getting their snaps clicked with Danny Boyle’s or our slumdogs. I felt proud of CM’ s from southern states who refused to felicitate and promote a British film irrespective of its casting and crew. These people are truly proud Indians.

It took a Raj Thackeray to declare a home and monetary help to Sharad and his family to appreciate his achievement. The slap on the face of the government which says it stands by the ‘AAM ADMI’. .Pity on the people who call themselves Indians and forget to celebrate its achievers just because they are not from their regional language. Before writing down my anguish I sent a contribution to Sharad and latter of appreciation. Least I could do…….

The Last Step

Walking on this long never ending path, came a turn where flowers seem to have their true bloom, where the air seem to be as fresh as the first breath after first cry, where innocence seem to return,where fret seemed no bother yet memories run once again in the mind, memories of sweets thoughts, memories of stolen moments, friendships and loves, tears of laughter, shouts of victories and cheers unknown, the shy eyes when they first saw thru me to my soul, the first touch….

I knew a step further and I will be wiping all these memories forever. God on that threshold wanted me to know that I have lived a good life, that I have lived. He signed me off all regret, sorrow or discontent I had to start a new life, to walk a new path….

But then I looked back, I thought yes I have lived a good life but then with all this gone where do I exist now. If I was never meant to last then why live? All these people all these memories will be wiped out and sucked into the endless vortex of all consuming time.

God said son you are wasting time, don’t you want to go on a new journey? A new start to live again?

I said if I can start can I start it with her again?

SERIAL SASURAL!

Well it was my good old friend Sheetal Shah's wedding. i am always thrilled to be at a Gujju wedding cause you get to wear your brightest and loudest and yet look sober and most importantly you get to eat a variety of food stuffs !. i had also gone as my friends was tying the knot mind you!

I was aquainted with sheetals cousins 1,2,3 (names with held for my own saftey) and friends Ajeet,Preeti,Shubham and Mitra and soon we were having a talk on the round table while having food. which went like,

cousin 1: you seen didi's saas? she reminds me of the Hamsa ben from khichadi.

cousin: whatever ya,but sheetal and paras look just like tulsi and mihir.

(mind you cousin 1 n 2 are typical gujju females who have taken pains to finish graduation and are waiting for their rightful right of a grand marriage)

ajeet: (sheetals childhood pal) they look more like kusum and her husband in that red and black combo.

mitra : oh boy these ekta kapoor serial suck! (thank god a sane person!)

ajeet: why u dont watch any daily soaps?

mitra: i do but i watch saath phere n jassi only (e tu brutus?)

preeti: guys u know what for my marriage rahul is getting Parvati Agarwal and Om agarwal from KGGK as the guests at the sangeet!

me: who?

cousin 1: oh my god! kahani ghar ghar ki is coming to u r wedding? please invite me na, i am dying to meet sakshi tanwar.

cousin: rahuls mothers cousin from mumbai has a friend at star who is really close to them, he is getting them to pune for our sangeet.

(till this time i was the only one who went for a second roti and when i came back)

cousin 2: and her little nanand na is typical like that Pia female from kasam se. what a bother na?

me: u guys still talking serials?

ajeet: no just chatting

mitra: general ya

preeti: so rohan...(with lot sugar n spice) when is your sagai ?

me: but doesnt u r wife have to be pregnant for that?

(a silence and a shocked stare from all)

cousin 3 in her sweet 8 year old voice: what does pregaan mean?

me: i was kidding guys! all u r serial stuff so i thought.....(dead stare).....i am sorry there is still time for my sagai.

preeti: hee hee u r funny rohan! (thanks for that)

for a moment i thought now the cousins will talk something else without comparing it to ekta kappoor or anyone's frankeinsteins and finally i will get a chance to speak about politics or business or the new movie with the bull in it, but.......

Shubham: how do you think will sheetal will do at her in laws?

cousin1: well i have told her if they trouble her much just give me a call and i will make their life hell.

ajeet: are! the bhai of her neighborhood is friend of mine , i can tell him solve anything by just one phone call!

me : people its her in laws! u r not giving her to some mafia or torture masters

mitra: are rohan gammat re. u think we really gonna do this stuff? ( hmm so she is sane).... we will tell just inform the mahila mandal and they will take care of it!(brutus u r crossing limits here!)

aunty aka sheetals mom who was hearing the baatcheet came towards us: well u wont have to do that, her in laws are very jolly and good people, i checked ten time so that my daughter doesnt get a Serial Sansural!

cousin 3: rohan da can we get a ice-cream?

i went for the Ice -cream. i took the ice cream. i ran home.